After his "Longest Day" in his longest month, after interminable hours and days spent frantically scurrying for any Iraq advice from absolutely anyone throughout the halls of the Pentagon, the State Department, the Washington DC Mummers Convention, and even the White House Executive Men's Room, Junya could avoid the inevitable no longer.
No amount of whining or tantrums would suffice, so Junya was liberally doused with "Positively Pink Passion" pancake makeup and unceremoniously shoved out in front of a camera tomake his latest excuses for explain his all-brand-new stratergizing for The Way Forward in Iraq.
The period spent blinking his beady eyes before the camera passed in a timeless blur for Junya and no amount of prompting or coaching could ever in the future tease even a fragment of memory from Junya on just what it was he promised.
And while the camera did indeed record what took place for posterity, our focus is not so much on the speech itself, but on it's aftermath.
In a daze, Junya was unstuck from his chair before the camera and then in a Deadeye Fireman's carry, was retired to his hideyhole, the First Family'sbombshelter bedroom. Joining him was his better half, the always tranquilized effervescent First Lady Laura Belle, the First Court Jester Karly-boy, and his First, Last and Only Cheerleader, Barney.
And this then is when we join them...
Junya: Ma...please Ma...don't make me go to school tomorrow. Those Twister Twins, Linda Joe-Bob and Sue Billy-Elvis are always givin' me snuggies. Ah can't never walk straight afterwards.
Laura Belle: Hush now Junya, you's just havin' a nightmare. Here, take another snort of this Ol' Grandpappy so ya stop tossin' and turnin'. Ahm tired of waking up on the floor in the mornin'.
Junya: Ma...oh Ma...do ya think mah eyes are too beady?
Laura Belle: Well Junya...ahmmm...they are your best feature!
Junya: Ma...Ma...did ya see me on TV? Ah waved at ya but nobody waved back.
Laura Belle: Ahm sure ya Mama saw ya Junya...unless Beverly Hillbillies was on. Grannie is her bestest friend, doncha know?
Junya: Ma...Ma...pull mah finger, heh heh!
Laura Belle: Ahm sorry ya Mama evah taught you that! Karl, it's your turn.
Karly-Boy: Yes'm Mrs. Preznit. And ah'll open the windows while ahm up.
Barney: Yip, yip...arrghhooooo!
Laura Belle: Now stop that Junya! What are we gonna say iffen Barney gets up in the mornin' missing his tail again?
As we bid adieu to the First Family and their nocturnal doings, rest assured that the protection of this fine nation's foremost menage is the first and only priority of "He who does not sleep".
Stealthily creeping from pillar to armchair, from behind curtains to behind the couch, that dark, paranoid, shotgun-toting visage of The President-In-All-But-Name, Deadeye has the watch. No terrorist will ever spoil the sleep of our Prince in Pampers while Deadeye is on duty.
It is a thankless task, made evermore desolate by the sudden unexplainable night-blindness of his BFF, the darling dear Lynne of Sharp Tongue and Deaf Ears. She always enjoyed the nights of deer-shining, but seems to have lost something ever since Deadeye potted shots at that Texas lawyer-friend. Women...can't take 'em hunting 'cause they tend to get nervous when ya ask 'em to fetch that birdie.
Oh well, onward Christian Soldier. Ours is not to wonder why, but to ensure that others die.
Never have so many have so few to blame.
No amount of whining or tantrums would suffice, so Junya was liberally doused with "Positively Pink Passion" pancake makeup and unceremoniously shoved out in front of a camera to
The period spent blinking his beady eyes before the camera passed in a timeless blur for Junya and no amount of prompting or coaching could ever in the future tease even a fragment of memory from Junya on just what it was he promised.
And while the camera did indeed record what took place for posterity, our focus is not so much on the speech itself, but on it's aftermath.
In a daze, Junya was unstuck from his chair before the camera and then in a Deadeye Fireman's carry, was retired to his hideyhole, the First Family's
And this then is when we join them...
Junya: Ma...please Ma...don't make me go to school tomorrow. Those Twister Twins, Linda Joe-Bob and Sue Billy-Elvis are always givin' me snuggies. Ah can't never walk straight afterwards.
Laura Belle: Hush now Junya, you's just havin' a nightmare. Here, take another snort of this Ol' Grandpappy so ya stop tossin' and turnin'. Ahm tired of waking up on the floor in the mornin'.
Junya: Ma...oh Ma...do ya think mah eyes are too beady?
Laura Belle: Well Junya...ahmmm...they are your best feature!
Junya: Ma...Ma...did ya see me on TV? Ah waved at ya but nobody waved back.
Laura Belle: Ahm sure ya Mama saw ya Junya...unless Beverly Hillbillies was on. Grannie is her bestest friend, doncha know?
Junya: Ma...Ma...pull mah finger, heh heh!
Laura Belle: Ahm sorry ya Mama evah taught you that! Karl, it's your turn.
Karly-Boy: Yes'm Mrs. Preznit. And ah'll open the windows while ahm up.
Barney: Yip, yip...arrghhooooo!
Laura Belle: Now stop that Junya! What are we gonna say iffen Barney gets up in the mornin' missing his tail again?
As we bid adieu to the First Family and their nocturnal doings, rest assured that the protection of this fine nation's foremost menage is the first and only priority of "He who does not sleep".
Stealthily creeping from pillar to armchair, from behind curtains to behind the couch, that dark, paranoid, shotgun-toting visage of The President-In-All-But-Name, Deadeye has the watch. No terrorist will ever spoil the sleep of our Prince in Pampers while Deadeye is on duty.
It is a thankless task, made evermore desolate by the sudden unexplainable night-blindness of his BFF, the darling dear Lynne of Sharp Tongue and Deaf Ears. She always enjoyed the nights of deer-shining, but seems to have lost something ever since Deadeye potted shots at that Texas lawyer-friend. Women...can't take 'em hunting 'cause they tend to get nervous when ya ask 'em to fetch that birdie.
Oh well, onward Christian Soldier. Ours is not to wonder why, but to ensure that others die.
Never have so many have so few to blame.
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